As the days of solitude have only started I find I do not have much to use all the time in my day. So I sit, thinking of all the many ways I can waste time to stop the emptiness from creeping in. Although I can find a million and one activities to keep busy with, it does not stop my mind from turning down the dark avenues that started a few nights ago. The longing, the fear, and feeling of loss is almost too much to bare. yet I still move along waiting for the day that the light shines back into my darkness.
The day it started was the most amazing day of my life, that was when true light was shone into my soul. My soul was whole for the first time and it felt exhilarating. As if my entire life had me in blinders like a horse in front of a carriage, only focusing on what was right in plain sight. Then when my eyes were opened and the blinders were taken off, I could see from side to side, admiring the new found colors and shapes. Bright hues of wondrous illuminations.
Now I am in darkness and it goes even further than in my past. It grows more and more everyday, which in normal circumstances it would start to subside and turn me numb. Not this time, it grows and unfortunately I feel as though it will consume me to the very core of existence.
A different day a different feeling. More and more the emptiness surrounds my heart and yet I no longer feel as though I want to die. It is not everyday someone can say they get to experience the true meaning of souls uniting. When it happens it is like no other feeling on this planet. Everything just feels as though it has a meaning, a new purpose, one that is special and unique. When one soul finds the other it feels like gravity no longer holds them to the earth yet instead it is the deep bond woven together between the souls that holds them from falling into the stars. It becomes that the soul no longer wants to be anywhere without its mate, and this keeps them going through it all. Through the good and the bad and even with space between them, they go through it all just to be together as one again. Separate they can fair well and even survive and thrive yet together the experiences they share are enhanced beyond what even the most intelligent minds can think of. When these 2 souls combine they can not only move mountains they can create them. They can build a whole new design simply by being near. That is what I have lost. I have lost the soul that was connected to mine from birth and when I found it, I was in complete bliss. I could conquer anything, nothing seemed impossible to either of us. Now that there is space, and a much needed one, there is an emptiness that I did not know existed until a few days ago. It’s a wonder to me how I lived my life so long and did not realize what I was missing out on. I thought I had experienced most of my emotions and had control over which ones I let out in any given situation. I was dead wrong as I now know, there is no greater feeling or emotion than when someone finds and connects with their true soulmate!