Unconscious decisions

 

Life is a funny term. During the course of someone’s life, it is medically known that a body changes every 7 years. A complete over-haul of that person from the skin to the makeup of the internal organs. Taste, hearing, sight, and it is my belief as of recent, even the way one thinks and views others, are an intricate part of this transformation. Perceptions, beliefs, and understandings grow within each 7 years completing a whole new individual when it is finished. I have recently completed such a change in my life and although I thought I could not understand myself and those closest to me any better, I have been proven wrong, yet again.

This past year I have recognized traits and events in myself, and patterns in my life that have brought me to a new revelation, and through my bad decisions and mishaps I look back and wonder why the hell I didn’t see it all sooner. For being 38, one would think I would have at least figured it all out sooner. Wrong! I have found my purpose in life, I was not placed here to have unconditional love of another, nor was it to be the receiver of fortunes untold, nope I am simply here for the growth!

The growth of others that are brought into my life one way or another. That is my validation on this planet. Not validated by a partner, not through my family, yet for all that seek growth within themselves. A growth of body, mind, and spirit. To cleanse the soul of all that has confused them for so long. This is my divine calling. Yes it hurts, to watch others find a new beginning or grow with my help and leave me, yet it is the price I pay for them. It is my love for all humanity that keeps me inspired to find people that need guidance in their journeys. Sometimes it can be a simple compassionate hug, showing kindness, understanding and empathy. Other times it can be a few months or even years that go on, allowing the seeker to find whatever it is they are looking for. However long it takes, we create a bond to which when severed, is excruciating. I cope yet sometimes just barely.

Recently I have noticed my feelings and thoughts of finding my soulmate have been clouded. Perhaps it was not my soulmate and yet just another seeking direction and salvation for what they saw as evil they had put out into the world. For 7 months I have been sought out for my insight on various life happenings and with my keen knowledge and understanding of emotions and desires, I have helped an extremely descent person realize they were not as evil as the world had made them out to be. I have witnessed a transformation that normally takes years done in just a few short months. He is wonderful, and kind, and has so much love in him. This person now feels, actually has so many different emotions leading him to new experiences. He can look forward to another day where he can finally see a bright future instead of dark and gloom. He is now guiding and allowing himself to be lead with his heart once more. This is a good thing, although him creating distance is crushing me. this is how it usually happens.

And so as another has found what he needed to move forward, and I am slowly being faded out, I find myself sitting and contemplating yet another beautiful heart for someone to love. I wish all of my past and present relationships and bonded souls all the best that their lives can offer them. I will continue to be who I am and where I am if any should bother to find this or simply need my solace once more.

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