There used to be a time I could tell him anything, a thought, an emotion, or even give my opinion on a subject. My Dom was the ultimate man, to me he was my saving grace. Now there is only silence. I am quieted by his words and actions and it has left me empty, lost and broken. Where did it all change and why? Not that long ago I could feel him all around me when he was close and far away. Now there’s just a void where he once was. The distance he put between us grows more and more everyday. How did it get there?…another woman. Someone he says is just a friend. Another situation arose where he manipulated it to seem as though I broke his ability to confide in me. I did not break this only made a statement about a 2am text he received. I did not say anything to anyone about what he told me nor did I comment to him about it. Yet there he was telling me I broke it. Then the following days he split us with distance and a “I don’t care about you” tone of voice. In the evening he was packing to leave. Walked all the way out the door and half way down the driveway before I ran after him. I chased him and still had to beg him to stay. Now I wonder why. If I would have known this is how it would end up I would have just let him leave and felt all this pain and heart ache alone. Having him here and feeling it is even worse.
I have shared my every thought with my Dom, every feeling I was experiencing and until a day ago, he welcomed it. Now he shuts down my thoughts and worries. He does occasionally ask me how I am feeling and what I am thinking but it is too late. I do not share with fear of it becoming yet another argument. I have become almost robotic in my actions towards him. The past few days I have been lost looking for a sign of something to change and yet nothing. I simply cannot feel anything other than pain. So I shut that out too. I do not have joy any longer, only when I am with my son. I do not have a voice any longer, and this has torn me apart. My heart and soul are now bricked back up again safe so no one can hurt me. Words are spoken yet they do not penetrate my shield. I will not allow it, as it has happened so many years ago before I achieved my divorce. My ex-husband did this to me as well. I now keep him where he needs to be, in the past as a fond memory. I do not keep toxic people close to me, what they see is what I allow them to see.
And now I find out he is sharing our relationship problems with this evil woman……. okay I’m done!!!!