My first punishment! It has been a year since I was added to a triad, polygamous dynamic. Well at least that’s how it started, until she left him wanting a divorce. Speaking about her is a whole other blog to enter so moving on…they divorced and from December 2016 until present it has been he and I. Down to a duo. Because of the split our D/s dynamic was put on hold for many many months yet in his eyes I was still being prospected. A year has pasted by now and I have received my collar of ownership to him and most is well.
Except…last night I had my first punishment. Without getting into details, as they are of a private nature, I can say it did not effect me as I thought it would. It also surprised him as well. He says I took it extremely well and that he was so proud of me. Asked me a few times how I felt making sure I wasn’t angry or hating him on the inside. No I do not! I’m not angry either. What I did to be punished was give lack of respect to him as my Dominate. I acted as if I was the one in control by various actions and reactions I have to situations. I will not disrespect him again in that fashion but I can honestly say it was kind of worth it.
I hope she knows just how much I can’t stand her now. I hope her entire life falls apart due to her own actions. Perhaps one day his eyes will open wide and she will then be seen for the viper she is, sucking life from all that comes within reach. She will have her karma and I hope I have the pleasure of hearing about it.
One thing does bother me about my punishment. Given the extent of it all I was hoping to slip into sub-space and did not. The pain was very real and at times so intense and he was softly and sweetly encouraging me to just let go. Whispering in my ear to let myself slip away, the pain will not be felt any longer if I’d stop fighting it. I was trapped. I felt everything from start to finish and no sub-space. I wasn’t even fighting it to stay away, quite the opposite I was welcoming it and still nothing. What the hell is wrong with me?
I have reached subspace before just with more of a sensual approach. He has the ability to give me pleasures beyond my wildest dreams. Yet when I was being punished I was expecting to get some degree of subspace and feel that since I did not, I really am broken. I read many stories about how submissives reach this through intense pain and it just wasn’t there. I am really truly broken!