Today I awoke and felt lost, lonely, confused by my placement in this life. Being in an LDR does this to a submissive at times. It is an actual physical pain that grows and spreads throughout your body. My remedy for this; I asked Sir if I could talk with him. A second passes and He calls me, hearing His voice made some of the hurt go away. It is only a short month away until we make solid steps to come closer and move together. The time grows near and for us both, it can’t come quick enough.
So today what is helping me is writing and adding some of His wisdom to my work. Some are His thoughts and experiences through His D/s life. During a period of time He had to endure a dynamic gone wrong. He speaks of His perspective and how He saw why things turned out the way they did. Please read and enjoy!
“So few of us left, you know. D/s is as ancient a practice and follows all the back [stories all the way] to the bible itself and beyond. The suffrage moment, woman’s lib etc.. they have not had equal rights for that long, hell the black man has had more rights for longer if you think about it. 2 generations ago woman’s work was a common word. I know because my grandmother still says it. D/s in its pure form without all the kink and stupid crap you see in pornography and movies, is just what it is on its face. A decision maker, a patriarch, a hand that wills the home. The strength, the provider, the protector, the front line. The submissive is the support and execution of the Dominant’s will, realizing that they are as the bible describes the weaker vessel.
By weak this does not mean they are inferior, it means without a supporting role in the relationship, not a leading role, they are not operating to their best potential. This is not the way every relationship should be mind you, this is what some people still accept, still believe, and still practice. It’s as basic a core as any belief, you believe in it because it works, it fulfills your life, it completes you. I have had the joy of running the majority of my relationships in a D/s fashion, Kink or no kink, protocol or not. I told myself a long time ago no one person would ever control me again. For most of my life I was able to stick to that belief, and all of views on any BDSM subject stem from that core. Some are better at leading some are better at following. It’s just the way it is. The way it always was.
However, this yin and yang is a dangerous commitment, should one fail or falter the other half does as well with any union, the scales move out of balance. The biggest problem I have found to do this is jealousy. From outside sources, the sub, even the dom. Sometimes they don’t want to be the first through the door catching bullets, sometimes they are too tired to lead the charge. This is actually where the submissive is more powerful, only she knows the magic words, the magic touch, the words to make him want to get up and fight on. She’ll even carry him if she has to. Her whole world is invested in this man, her role is to be the very glue that holds him together, and makes him want to fight on. When a submissive loses her role, it is a much harder loss due to the belief and faith she had in a failing Dom. She faults herself for his shortcomings, and blames herself for the lack of ability to correct them. This will lead to suicidal thoughts and bouts of depression. Self worth also comes into question. Starting to see why this commitment is so serious and life long? They agree to be symbiotic with each other. It’s an amount of faith and trust immeasurable in most typical relationships. Sharing that point of view can be scary to people, people hate and destroy what they can never acquire or understand. It’s human nature.”——Aleronvv
In a BDSM sense:
a set of rules, standing orders, and values which a Dominate/Master gives to His submissive/slave. It provides a context in which the authority of the Dom/Master is present and effective even when the Dom/Master themselves are away or not paying active attention to what the sub/slave is doing. By having these rules, standing orders, and values the sub/slave has the continuous guidance or direction of their partner to follow. Without structure being in place, the sub/slave may or must choose for themselves, such as what to do, what to wear etc…. This frequently defeats the purpose of them getting into a D/s or M/s relationship in the first place…namely to experience the authority and/or power of their partner. Beyond making sure the sub/slave does what is expected of them, they serve to provide a context of authority in the absence of the Dom/Master and thus give a sense of continuity of control. Such an absence can occur even while the Dom/Master is in the same room but is not paying attention to the sub/slave.
Rules are provided to explain explicit directions on what choices to make in a variety of circumstances. Such a rule might be:…..”When you are out with friends without Me and you are having a meal, while in the presence of other Doms, you do not begin to eat until they have all started eating themselves. Or unless one of them directs you or allows you to do so.” While rules do not tell you explicitly what to do, they give you direction when choices need to be made. Such as when to start eating or what clothes to choose from your wardrobe. This gives sub/slaves confidence that their choices are correct without needing to ask their Dom/Master.
“When a Dom reaches the point where he feels anything he would do would not change the problem, or just be abusive because it would produces no result. He has 2 choices. Release her from his service, or remove her from his presence. Removal is a last ditch effort to smack some sense in the submissive. It tells her she is about to lose everything she is supposed to hold dear, all of her oaths and her credibility of who she was, and all that she was trained to be. She would never be able to perform quite the same way again, for everyone is different. She is supposed to lose her identity, feel all of that loss and correct herself. Come back whole and grateful to be back, and return to service, problem corrected.”——-Aleronvv
Standing orders are instructions for a sub/slave to follow at particular times or in particular circumstances. They are explicit directions or orders. For example…” Every morning you will rise before me, prepare coffee and bring it to Me while I am still in bed. Once I have taken the coffee, you will go down on your knees beside the bed, lower your head to the ground, and wait in that position until I tell you to rise.”
Values are a vital and often mis-mentioned aspect of structure. There will be times where rules and standing orders are not sufficient. A Dom/Master may have not foreseen a particular event or circumstance which their sub/slave may have to deal with in their absence. When a Dom/Master has made an effort to clearly and completely communicate His personal values and priorities to the sub/slave, then the sub is in a better position to make choices that reflect accurately as to what the Dom would have chosen. This is also important when there is an aspect of service present or sub/slave is strongly motivated to please their partner. They may find a united end result of pride from both Dom and sub like.
“That’s where she wanted me. Suffering by her hand. Bitter because I wouldn’t support her. When she did nothing to support me, or change her abusive attitude [towards Me] since I left. She was now just abusive from a distance, and I was becoming abusive again as well. Bitter, defensive, and sick of her bullshit. Sick of her trying to brainwash me with her perception and calling my feelings lies. I know what the fuck I felt, I know how the fuck I felt, I know why I done what I done. I snapped, like a fucking rubber band. I gave in to the badgering, I told her fine your fucking right……. I left her like that. It wasn’t right, but I did it. I was like a rat pushed into a corner, I fought my way out.”-Aleronvv