I usually never share the most intimate details of my life. I feel that they are mine and special to me so sharing them will be almost like giving them away to someone else. I don’t knock others for doing this, it’s just not for me. However, this needs to get out. I have to write this so my mind can clear it of its scariness. So please, I ask that people reading this that do not wish to read my experience with sexual content, please stop reading now. It will be explicit and have details many will not like to read. With that being said, here goes nothing…
In the middle of February before Sir and I moved together I was visiting him for a 10 day stretch during Valentines Day. Of course my luck as it is, I had my period during most of the time with him. We do not usually have much sexual interaction on my cycle because we both find it rather yucky. But on the few occasions we have done anal, oral, and tit-fucking. This particular night I had much wine and we had a wonderful evening. I made a delicious dinner of steak, mashed potatoes, and a huge salad. We played a board game, watched some tv, slid down the stairs on our butts like children, and played hide-n-seek in the dark. I have a kid so yes we did all that for him and we laughed all night long. I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun in one night, just being weird and silly, all 3 of us. Well this night I had just finished my cycle but Sir did not know. He wanted to have sex and of course I wanted to as well. Since Sir didn’t know I was done he choose to do other things to me this night. All things I greatly enjoy just as much as he does so I don’t want people thinking it wasn’t a forced activity. He started out face fucking me. I’m a big fan yet I haven’t quite mastered the art of deep throating yet. He is a patient man and says with every time I’m getting much much better. Anyways…this night I swallowed him. Took him like a champ, hardly any gagging and he was so excited. Grabbing my hair and pushing my face into him, over and over faster and faster. I’ve never felt that much power while giving oral. I felt I was a Goddess blessing my Sir with the ultimate sin. He then changed his direction and made me bend over. “Put that ass up in the air like the slut you are!” “Hurry up, I don’t have all night!”, giving me incentive to move faster so I could please him. I love to be humiliated and degraded, it helps me with getting over the uselessness I felt when I was raped. I wasn’t moving quick enough though. In a bit of a trance from the wine and having multiple orgasms just from the oral I gave him. I started slipping away, I could feel myself leaving which I am not fond of. Many talk about sub-space like it’s this wonderful place, for me to hit total sub-space, is not fun at all. It’s down right fucked up and scary. So he got me to where I needed to be, I threw my hips up and out so he could take my ass and oh how he did. Sir made that ass his just as he always does and I lost what little control I had left. Pounding and taking what was his, smacking my ass and grabbing my hips hard pulling my hair at times. Saying some of the most wonderful things, you’re my little slut aren’t you? You want your Sir to be pleased don’t you? Well make me proud, move your ass give me what I want. Sir made me cum another 3 or 4 times just with the anal and I was done. I could not move. I laid in a heap of well used submissive bliss, half naked and happy. I know I was happy because before the dark came my heart swelled with love for him and what he did for me. The next thing I remember is only the things Sir tells me when he woke the next morning. I did not remember much about the rest of that night until much later. I hurt him, emotionally. He told me the things I said to him that night after we had sex. I told him he was a liar, a cheater, and he left me there to be cold and alone. I said he was gone for 20 mins probably sexting with some other chick and that I did not want him touching me because of it. I was mean and hurtful and it came from nowhere. Now I know what happened. It was the Red Room.
Last night, actually most of the evening Sir was in a most wonderfully playful mood. You hung me, teasing me, having me give oral here and there. Giving oral to me and making me cum twice, finger banged me at one point just as he was passing by. He grabbed me gave me a playful kiss and began his work on my secret spot. It was just wonderful. I took a bath that night, and Sir came in to check in me. He washed my back and I gave him head again. I do enjoy giving it to him. I think I’d die if I could never do it again. Anyways….when I finished with my bath I got changed into one of my corsets he bought for me out on my sexy robe and came to sit with him in the couch. Sir loved that I dressed up for him and showed just how happy it made him. Pushed me on my knees and stuffed my mouth full of cock. It was then I almost threw up on him due to the awful gag reflex so he immediately stopped and gave me a break. I begged to keep going but he is usually more wise than I and said it was better to relax for a bit, pick it back up later. We made some food b cause we were both heavily active giving each other pleasure, we needed our strength. I’m in a mind set of bliss. It was an even level of bliss no darkness. We fucked for a bit after we ate. No wait first we face fucked then we ate. After that we had a smoke. I then asked Sir if he’d allow me to try a toy to stimulate my clit while he was fucking and hitting my g-spot. He thought it was a good idea so I grabbed a toy. He had me sit on him and fuck him while using my Hetachi and holy shit. At this point I had already cum I don’t know how many times, but the intensity of the orgasms that came next I was not expecting. Orgasm after orgasm as he kept hitting my g-spot making the cum drip from me running down his thighs. I had to ask to stop riding him at one point. I bent over and he hit it doggie for a while until he exploded all over me. I fell to the couch in a heap once more. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move and it seems as though I couldn’t breath. I was in the dark again. I hate the dark of sub-space. That’s when it hit me, the Red Room.
This stupid room. I have no idea what the hell it means or where it came from but this fucking room does it to me every time. I’m not sure if it’s a part of my past or if it is just something my mind has conjured up, I just remember it now. The Red Room comes to me while I’m in sub-space. I’m there all alone tied up with my hands, from the ceiling naked. Dripping with my juices and hurting from being there for far too long. I do not know who it is but someone has been abusing me. Someone has been beating me and fucking me without my consent. The whole room is red, drapes hanging off the walls the breeze making them move, a set up that would normally be considered romantic. The breeze is from a person walking by though, no windows were opened. I’m so cold in this room, I feel myself shivering. Not just from the cold though from fear like I’ve never felt before. I have shivers going through my body now just thinking of the fear I have during this time. I can’t stand it, I want someone to rescue me. I hear Sirs voice and he saves me from the Red Room. He keeps the demons from hurting me more. I’m crying and he’s holding me and that was happening in reality but in my mind I was stuck in the room.
That is what happened that one night I was so happy and I ended up hurting him. What happened was, he had got up to clean himself after our anal session. Of course he needed to clean. Anyone in there right mind would want to, just incase things got a little messy. He went to the bathroom when my subconscious mind was in the Red Room. Cold, lost, broken, and in fear. So when I finally heard his voice I lashed out at him, my mind distorting the facts. He did not put me there, it is where I go when I am in complete sub-space. Sir was saving me and I could not see it that night so I went crazy. I remember it now, I know what happened. I do not know where this room is or why it comes to me. All I know is it’s in my memory from something and I get stuck there when I go into sub-space.
I’m not saying I do not want to go to space because I do. I’m writing this so I can understand what happens and take safety precautions for the next time. As long as I have Sir close and with me, I am safe and I know it. He saves me, he always has and always will.
I have been stuck thinking about this most of the day. Well not all the time, as all of my thoughts have pertained to Sir in some way or another. That’s how I am the day after being in sub-space, Sir is always in my mind. I want to tell him so bad but whenever I get up the courage, the words do not come out. They stick to the back of my throat and just stay there. So I sigh and keep moving forward. This is another reason I wanted to write this all out, I want to talk about it and need him to know and try to understand what happens to me. He probably even has a solution or cause behind it all, he’s always had a knack for this sort of thing. He will read this tomorrow and hopefully see what it is like for me and my warped mind at times. Wow, I really do think I’m crazy sometimes.