“Ok never mind all that.” These words will forever be embedded in my mind and heart now. Once again we are not touching, speaking, nor even looking at one another. It is because I opened my mouth in group kik and said something about the constant chatting which blows my phone up. I was blunt about what I said, and due to driving for 3 1/2 hours I was not able to explain. So I realized my mistake and asked if Sir could tell her I didn’t mean it so harshly and I’d explain when I got home. Just in case feelings were hurt. Yes this happened in the group chat with the young lady he is mentoring. What did I get? Sir ignored my text. Yeah, just flat out did not respond. So I waited an hour and asked if he would just trust me. If he would simply trust that I could say how I felt and make everyone all better, heal up the hurt if any was caused. This was the second message I sent him and he finally answered with a do what you have to, he wasn’t mad he was just sitting around. So I then asked if he wasn’t mad than why the silence before. There had to be a reason why he ignored me at first. Again he ignored that message too. Wow, what a great way to treat your submissive especially when she admits she may have messed up yet wants to fix it. Now I know getting mad for a submissive is wrong, but I did. I got pissed. 2 ignored messages and being treated like I don’t matter for days just kinda took over my mind. I then messaged him saying whatever I’ll be home in a bit. He finally responded to that one and said he was showering, cooking, and rolling smokes. Didn’t have time to message me back. Okay there are 2 things wrong with that statement. 1: He always makes time for our new girl. Even tells her when he’s going to shower so she understands the brief silence. 2: When I came home, he wasn’t even showered. So tell me I’m not supposed to be upset by all this at this point.
Got home and went right to work on my explanation. It was long and detailed so it didn’t confuse anyone. It addressed both Sir and our girl separately and then together. I thought it was well written. Well she read it and responded when she could. Responded saying she understood everyone needs space and that she was sure there was a simple solution to it all. Then I told her it wasn’t about the space, I just didn’t want my phone blowing up anymore and that if they could do like a private chat that would be great. No response. Nothing. So as time goes by, Sir is to himself, distant and not paying attention to me. I do not hear back from this chick so I’m starting to get worried. Maybe I can’t fix it. Maybe that silly little thing I wrote broke the triad and now she wants out. That would cause such an unfix-able rift in the bond that Sir and I had, no matter how little it was becoming. He always tells me if we start something it damages him when it stops. So that’s the very last thing I want to do at this point. Over and over again in my head, I just said the chatting was constant. I didn’t call anyone a bad name, no mean talk, nothing that would cause such a fucked up in balance. But it did. So I just gave up. I quit. I now feel like the biggest piece of shit ever. One simple sentence turned it all to shit.
I texted him. Yes we were in the same house but Sir is ignoring me, so I felt since he’s always in his phone I’ll get to him through that. I told him I give up, that I quit. I said I was sorry for fucking up his whole life and being a huge burden on him. I wasn’t going to be around to do it anymore and that I was sorry for being such a loser piece of shit. His response came an hour later and it said, “Nevermind all that.” and went on to copy and paste something she wrote him about how she knew this was too good to be true.
Seriously? Just like the other day, when I poured my guts out to him about how I was going to kill myself and how I didn’t want to live any more. Again I pour my soul out to him and he brushes it away telling me it doesn’t matter how I feel just by simply doing what he did. The first time I was all sorts of fucked up because not only did I have to battle my sadness and depression alone, I had to cheer her up at the same time. Now this time I do again. Fuck how I feel, fuck what I am going through, all that matters is how she is feeling and what she is going through.
A Dominant is supposed to put his submissive before all others. He is supposed to be her rock when she needs him. A man to take her heavy emotional burden, and lift her up to make her believe in herself once again. He is suppose to make her a priority in his life and without that she is nothing more than an everyday ordinary person. That is why he owns her, that is why he collared her, to represent the safe, strong bond he has with her. If there is no priority there is no trust and that leads to the foundation crumbling and eventually falling. She cannot put her faith and trust in him if he does not make her his priority. If she longer can trust that he is there to keep her safe, even if it is from herself, then she will fade and die. And along with the death comes the death of her service to him. It is broken, gone, lost in an abyss. Can it be found again? Who the hell knows. All I know is I am not a priority to my Sir, but then again I guess I never really was.